What do you do with a broken heart?

I have asked myself this so many times in my life. Have I willingly given my heart to people that maybe I should have been more protective of. Am I going to hold it captive so that it cannot be touched again. Sometimes that seems like it would be the wise or safe thing to do. But that is not the way God created me.

I have come to see that my expectations are really what are broken many times....so I am learning to be aware of those. What are honest and what are not? What are manipulative and what are not?

My heart is where God resides...when I let him rule it...and I am finding that when I really take an inventory and look at my heart...God will protect that heart...he gives me all I need to check my motives...to have a pure heart...and sometimes when that heart is broken..I have still have done the right thing...and I trust him to mend and heal that heart.

I will not quit loving...I will not quit doing what God shows me is the right thing...even when disappointment might come.

There are things that I think our hearts should be broken over...poverty...abuse....cancer....homelessness...and on and on...and we need to do our part to be His hands and feet when we can.

And there will be grief in our lives...broken relationships..death of a loved one..rejection...job loss...family issues...but I am also learning that God is right there in the midst of these ...when I allow him to be....and when I do...I can still have hope in the midst of the grief. Might not take the pain....but His presence is a balm that heals and keeps me going.

I think I finally understand why people keep their worlds smaller...don't reach out...and want to live in a world that is really just about them. It seems safer...but is it?? I would rather have a relationship with a God who will get me through ANYTHING and have an abundant life...than a life without him...in which I lived in fear, saddness, hopelessness, filled with things that will end up bringing emptyness. I would rather feel...even the pain of a broken heart than to have not reached out and touched humanity...my family and friends as well as strangers.

Help me God to always bring my brokenness to you I pray! And Lord fill my life with your creation and show me always how to walk in love...in peace and in hope! I love you Lord!

Life With Mama

I have been blessed to have my mama staying with me until probably December. Brought her back with me in July! I have not spent this much time with my mom since I was a little girl...and I wondered how it would go. It has surpassed even my wildest hopes! My mom is 80 years old and I look at her and I see such great beauty and strength. She loves with such unconditional love ....she gives with her heart and soul. Her life has not been one of ease but it has been one of great faith and endurance. She is still teaching me new things even at this time in life. I know I was one of those who thought they knew it all...and I she is showing me there is always more....She is fun, and she is funny, she has a heart that holds memories instead of grudges. I have many friends who are seeing their parents depart and go to be with Jesus and am reminded that this to will happen to all of us. I am thrilled to have this time with my mom and am going to make the most of every moment. When I look at her sometimes I cry as I see this absolute beauty in her gray hair and wrinkles..her frailness but yet strong spirit. Sometimes I just catch myself staring....I hope she knows how much I love her!

Turn down the brain and open the heart!

I am having a conversation with myself....yeah...it happens frequently...and I try to include the Lord but many times I end up just debating myself lol! Think I send a lot of time trying to figure out things that are not mine to figure out....so Lord....turn down (not off) the brain and open the heart - that I may love as you would desire...

Tears

Tonight I am thinking of tears....as my eyes well up.....and I am afraid to cry for fear I will not stop. I have tears of saddness, tears of happiness, tears of dreams gone another way....tears of missing my loved ones...tears of homelessness and things totally out of my control....tears of family relationships that hurt....tears of being away from my family and friends at this time of year when we are to celebrate our families....and I know if I focused on all of this I would end up a despressed mess! So I look to the family of God and seek comfort. And the world too....how may are in the missionary field away from family and friends, how many are in harms way not knowing if they will return? God has redefined family for me - not discounting my natural family but giving me family where ever I am that loves on me and I can love on them. I am learning to be family with those that I don't even speak their language.....or see them more than once a week. He fills the void and it is awesome but I still miss my biological family and family I marrried into....My heart is very conflicted as to what to do....but I know as I seek my Lord he will show me. I always have to tell myself it is not all about me and what I want....but it is about my brother, my sister, and those who do not know Christ. Many times that brings sacrifice that many do not understand - and I get some awkward conversations...and probably cause some hurts to others which I hate....but my goal is to love God with all my heart and to love in such a way that others will come to know him and receive eternal life. And I cry...I cry for those that don't know Christ....in my family, in my neighbohood, in my daily walk in life. Nothing to me could be more valuable than to not know Christ.....so I will cry I guess over missed family events and not being all I can to my natural family so that I can reach out to those who have never had a family or have never know Christ. A sacrifice.....one that is not easy but what I feel God wants me to do. I hope if anyone that knows me reads this they will know that I love them with all my heart and soul even when I am not there when the wish or think I should be. My precious daddy made me think about this when he asks me what my life is all about. For me my life is all about people knowing Christ and if that means I am not the they expect or I can't be at all the family events that I would love to be at...or that to them I am just a crazy "religious" person then I guess I am. My greatest hope is to see people get saved - Know Jesus - learn to love on one another - even outside of "family" and to have great joy in doing so. In my mindset we are ALL family...God created us all family....so when we have our "problems" we need to work through them ...and yes it takes time....but a piece of paper that severs things does not make us less family.....the bible talks too much about love for us to take the love out of brokenness...but that is a blog for another time! This comes from a gal that has been through a lot of brokenness

Thanksgiving 08

Hard to believe my third Thanksgiving in NC! Time flies! Will be heading to the Mission for the Gobbles to Go and also to serve the residents and emergency shelter folks....I always start the day thinking I am giving the blessing only to be reminded of how blessed I am and leave filled up not only with turkey but gratitude and love!

"Friend"ly reminder

Just informed by a dear friend that my blog is somewhat outdated!! Glad someone takes a look!!

One of Today's Life Lessons!

Thought I would visit a new church today - so started out on my way - no map and no directions - after all I had seen this church many times on my journey through the city....well....guess what - I could not find the church!!! At first very frustrated but then in a soft whisper in my spirit I heard the Lord speak - how much do I approach life in this way?!?#* Interesting.....